Holidays Away from Home

Christmas and New Year's have always been family holidays for me, but this year, I'm miles from home, in a place where they don't give much thought to these Christian Holidays. I should have been fine then, and yet I was still homesick and lonely.

I planned to spend Christmas with someone special, unfortunately, that someone dissed me for a night of gambling with his friends. Boys... Or should I say, Biker Boys??? Lol.

I never should have expected anything from him, not when he ditched me for some other party or girl or friend so many times before. I wanted to scream, and I heard myself saying again that this was the last straw. Unfortunately, I know myself too well, and I know I'm not kidding anyone anymore.

Something worse happened in New Year's. He totally ignored me in front of everyone. I didn't know what to think anymore and yet, I still feel the same. I'm such a silly girl. I thought I'd feel at home with him and he would take the loneliness I feel from missing my family back home during the holidays. How wrong could I have been?

I miss decorating our Christmas tree, preparing Noche Buena and going to midnight mass. I miss cooking Christmas lunch and opening gifts with my family. I miss friends, good times... I guess I just miss home. Period.

When did we all suddenly become young ladies? We were just teenagers giggling and borrowing each other's clothes a moment ago. Now, I'm here, my eldest sister in Singapore and the youngest the only one left home. I know our parents are trying to cope, but little do they know, that their little girls are also trying. At one point, each of us can't wait to grow up, and now that we are, I can't help but just want to be my daddy's little girl forever.

What is Christmas all about anyway? Why is it that some people celebrate it gambling, drinking and partying with not-so-close friends? I guess we all have different perspectives of this holiday. For me, I know that Christ is the true reason for celebrating Christmas, and that's why it's so important to be with family, because it's when I am with my family that I feel closest to God.

And what about New Year's? Why does everyone want to spend it with that special someone and wait for midnight to strike? Is it that important to kiss the person you love and say hello to a new year ahead? For me, it is. Especially now, with him, because 2011 is a whole new start for me, and hopefully for us. It's too bad I'm the only one who thinks that way.

I don't know how many more Christmases and New Years I'll spend away from home, but maybe next time, I will feel at home somewhere else with someone else starting our new home together. Then I'll know that I'm finally not my parent's little girl anymore. For the moment, 2010 Holidays could count as my loneliest, for so many reasons.