Tuesday, December 04, 2007 / 7:40 AM
One morning, I woke up knowing that day was already different from all the rest. That day was the day I was sure I want to spend my life with Mike.
You know that one great love old folks always talk about? I thought I had that, until now. I realized there are too many things that I pushed myself into believing and eventually I learn that somehow, whatever control you exercise over your emotions will cease and you will eventually give in.
I now know that I cannot force myself to make a relationship last, and I now know how easy it feels to love a person who actually really loves you back. You know that feeling that despite a tiring day, when you see that one person who makes each day worthwhile, you still have enough energy to give him a massage, to listen to his stories, jokes and whatever he wants to say. In spite of the stress that traffic and work brought, you still want to be the one who would cook his meals, prepare his bath water, prepare his pajamas, and all the things he needs. Most of all, after a tiring day, when you just want to watch Oprah on late night TV, you're very much willing to watch an NBA game with him or whatever sports he's into, because whatever will relieve his stress will actually do the same to you. That's how it feels with Mike right now, his happiness is my priority, his needs are on the top of my to-do list, because somehow, his mere happiness feels like my purpose. Cheezy, but true, and what's great about it is the fact that I know I'm on top of his priority list as well.
I want to be the only one he needs, because I know I'm the only one he loves. I know that whatever I'm not doing for him, some other girl would be willing to do and I'm not gonna take any chances. I mean, I'm more than his girlfriend, I'm also a business woman, a daughter, a friend, a colleague, a sister, a chef, etc. I am still my own person, but being his girlfriend is something I want to be the best at, just like everything else that I know I already am.
Loving Mike is something I know I'll do for the rest of my life, with or without getting any affection back. He is simply the inspiration behind the great masterpiece that I am now, he taught me a lot, and he will continue doing so for the rest of eternity--I hope.
Wednesday, November 07, 2007 / 11:10 PM
It's been a few days since I moved into the dorm. I'm still adjusting to the room, the feel of the place and of course the absence of my family. It's just that I'm used to hearing my sisters corny jokes, and my mom's nagging everyday, so the peace and quiet here is boring me a bit. hehehe... Seriously, I never thought it'd feel this weird to be away from my family. I kind of miss them already, but I have to start somewhere, right? My parents' won't be able to protect and provide for me forever.
What's nice about this move out thing is that Mike has been more than understanding and supportive of it. He's been trying to do everything to make me feel at home in Katipunan. I don't have to say what he needs to do, he does it voluntarily even if he's not used to having his girl around all the time. He picks me up, he eats most of my meals with me, and I know he tries to help me financially the best and most subtle way he can.
Last Sunday, I met his family, and I felt nervous at first because it seemed like I'd be gatecrashing and of course, the fact that they're so used to the ex-girlfriend already, I felt I was going to be out of place. Contrary to what I expected though, everything seemed to have worked well. That's only as far as I know, of course.
I think his mom's nice, although I must admit, the first time I met her, I had butterflies in my stomach, and his grandma was nice also. They were talking to me the whole time I was with them, and that made me feel more at ease. I was so tensed before that, I didn't even want to go there because it's a family get together, and I'll be the only one who isn't family there. The day ended well, though. I like his cousin a lot, the birthday celebrant, I forgot her name, because Mike calls her Ate. She seems like a smart girl and she's really sweet.
We heard mass after that at the Church of the Holy Sacrifice in UP. That was the first time I heard mass with my boyfriend, because I usually hear mass with my family in the morning, that day, I had to go to mass twice because he hasn't heard mass yet.
Those were the highlights of my previoius week. Nothing really, overly significant. I just dealt with some of the things that gives me butterflies in my tummy. I mean, don't get me wrong, moms usually love me because I'm madaldal, but this is a different case, all things considered. I just hope everythings continues to go well. I really want this thing for keeps already.
Thursday, November 01, 2007 / 4:07 AM
Everything can change in a snap. Each time you feel like you're on top of the world, remember, there's no where else to go but down...
Wednesday, October 24, 2007 / 11:04 PM
My friends used to suggest that I write a book about my life, and now that I'm 21 maybe it's a good time to start. It probably will be a novel based on my life or something, different characters and all because I've had my fair share of life's lessons, and if you ask me, I'm way beyond my years. I just think it would be exciting and some girls might get something out of it. In my next few blog entries, I might include a few chapters of what my book would be and hopefully, some publisher would find it interesting enough to make profit out of. You never know, right?
Anyway, what's new with me now that I'm 21? I'm officially, financially independent from my parents, and yes, I'm struggling. Money was never a problem to me, I get to save and splurge as well, in my own expense, until before now. It's pretty damn hard to adjust. It's hard that I have loans, bills and more bills to pay. Much worse is that, I haven't had the luxury to actually buy myself clothes and shoes and bags and other stuff, and that--for me--is the ultimate low of my moving out. I know a lot of people are probably experiencing more serious problems with their lives, but really, if you know me, not being able to buy something nice from the money that I work my ass off for, is a crisis.
Don't get me wrong, I am not superficial nor am I materialistic, I'm just a simple girl living a simple life. There's more to me than shopping, clothes, jewelry, bags and shoes. However, we have to face the fact that these things are pretty much part of being a girl. Looking good is on the job description! Imagine the world full of people who don't care what they wear; people who don't give a damn how they smell. Eww...
Changing the subject: I've had the coolest birthday celebration ever, ever, in my life!!! hahahaha!!! Well, the party wasn't exectly to my caliber, because I was really busy to look after all the details, and the food and guestlist didn't match count, but at least the booze went well. That wasn't the only celebration I had, though, I think I celebrated for 5 straight days with my Mike, which is pretty cool considering how fairly new we've been together.
We've been spending all our time together since he went back from Batangas and I never in my wildest dreams, imagined that we'd be like this. He's such a sweet guy and I'm lucky I met him. The Friday party was the take off celebration, the Saturday after that we had the Nu Skin Success Seminar at the Le Pavillion along Roxas Boulevard where he was awarded as one of the newest Executives! yehey! =) Sunday we went home late also because we spent time together the whole day. Monday was my birthday, we had late lunch at a restaurant in Shangri-La, I think the resto's name is Hula, I don't know, but I remember we ate crabs there. In the evening of my birthday, he met my family, we ate a bit even if we're still full from the crabs and paella. Shocks! Food overload! hehehe... Tuesday evening, it was my birthday treat for him, we had dinner at the Spiral Restaurant at Sofitel Philippine Plaza. Cool place, great food, better dessert! hahahaha! The poolside was romantic in the evening, everything was so beautiful, or maybe it was just the fact that I was in love! I couldn't tell, sorry.
You see, I'm really pretty simple, I'm already jumping with happiness after all that. Right now, I've to appreciate the little sincere things better than the grand things that don't come from the heart.
Right now, my birthday wish is love all around! I wish I could have this kind of peace forever, I wish he'd stay for the long run. I don't expect my wish to come true in a snap, because I wished for him way, way back when I was younger and he came just now. I guess, it's the perfect time, that's why God gave him to me already. I wish I won't ever have to mend a broken heart anymore. I know that's a lot, but hey! I'm 21 already I should get 21 wishes! Seriously, I wanna keep him. That I'm sure of, and I know I'm ready to do whatever it takes to keep this realtionship.
Saturday, December 16, 2006 / 2:09 AM
People weep for different reasons; they may grieve for loss of a loved one, or because they are unprepared and scared of defeat, or maybe because they feel helpless in the situation they're in, but whatever it is, people weep because they are in pain. Now that I think about it, people are lucky if they're crying for only one of these reasons, when here I am, weeping my eyes dry for all three. I could only wish that by writing about the pain I'm feeling, I could escape it and go on.
I'm that kind of person who wakes up everyday and thinks primarily of how I'd go through the next 18 hrs in the most convenient way possible for me. I could only care less on what the rest of the world's population plan to do with their day, then someone comes along and suddenly, his needs becomes my priority, and his mere existence my source of happiness. Of course, I am only human and could only change bit by bit, so sometimes, I am still that bratty, ratty, selfish and possessive girl I grew up to be. To my defense, I am not always that mean, or intolerably cruel, I am usually tame and nice and kindhearted, just don't get on my bad side. Going back, like life, a relationship is never perfect and there are obstacles that lie ahead, but when the going gets tough, the imporatant thing is that the feelings stay the same.
Getting hurt is always part of the picture, so no matter how much I wish never to go through it, or not to cry anymore, it just can't be possible. Don't get me wrong I'm not being pessimistic, there are happy endings, it's just that, we have to work hard to get to there. Sometimes, though, we don't end up with the prince charming we want, and no matter how tough it is to get that in our system I have to face facts.
Yes, as mentioned, I can be really difficult to deal with, and I do sometimes take him for granted, but I too, get taken for granted, I just try to understand, and I give him credit for making up for it. I do make up for my mistakes myself, and I'm sweet and nice and kind most of the time so I don't think I deserve this treatment anymore. if he wants me to learn a lesson, I sure am learning one. He has proven how he could live his life without caring what I'm doing, if I'm okay or not, and that gets me think, isn't it that when you love someone, you want to make sure she's fine? You'd want to talk things over despite her being unreasonable at times? You'd want to fix things when they're pretty messed up? I thought he taught me all these, I guess I should think again.
Finally, I am aware of the scarce hope of us fixing things, and with that said, I also know that even if we do fix things, I could never be back to
normal again. I wish he didn't do this, because I give myself credit for asking him for space, or answering his calls when we have problems. Now here he is not talking for two straight days now, not even bothering to answer my calls. I know his tired, and if he wants to end it so badly, he should do it the proper way. At least I deserve that... The thing is, he's silence proves that he's life's not any better or worse with me or without me. I'll always have that thought at the back of my mind after all these, I'll always wonder if I do or ever did have a place, or did i just force myself in his life? It's all these things that's keeping me awake, plus the fact that he's okay with or without me hurts...
Thursday, October 26, 2006 / 7:56 PM
I hate it that my youngest sister is getting high grades! I hate it because she thinks she's better than me! Well, this is what I have to say to her in return, "Darling, if I were also given the chance to choose my course, my grades would probably be higher. Consider yourself lucky that I'm not a MassComm student, because you won't measure up to me if we were in the same field!"
Hmm... I'm having a bad day, I went to UP today for nothing. Plus, I'm having bad vibes with my grades. My boyfriend who asked me to free my day for him sometime this week, couldn't free his day for me tomorrow! Hello?! I NEED him there for moral support... Grr... He couldn't even do something heroic for me, considering that when he asked me to ditch my mom for him only because he wanted to spend time, I did!
Wednesday, May 31, 2006 / 3:00 PM
I spent a long weekend with Mac and his family. It was a long overdue, since the first time they invited me to come along when they went to Subic earlier this summer. I had been disappointed twice or thrice already by telling my parents the real reason I'll be going out of town, and I won't let another one come my way. Besides, that would be too offending for Mac and his parents if I'd still say no after thousands of invitation. So I did what I used to do, and it worked! hehe... My scheming skills have been rusty for months now, but I guess I'm still good! :P
So there. I finally got a yes for an answer! Yay! Mac picked me up at around noon and passed by his parents' office around 5pm. We had a few hours to ourselves first, since we won't have anymore during the weekend.
We had dinner at Chowking, with Misha (his youngest sibling) and his parents, then they bought some groceries and a cake for the baptism that we'll be attending in Atimonan, Quezon. Finally, we got to their house at around 9pm (i think).
I shared his room with his sisters, and Mac kept barging in on us! I thought he was going to get in trouble for doing that and for being so makulit! Fortunately, hindi naman. I barely slept, and all night I thought I was th eonly one awake until around 2pm when we discovered that all three of us were up pala.
I thought I was going to be putting people out by sleeping over, like his sisters who have their own room but had to sleep in his room and share it with me. Nakakahiya talaga at first. Praning na nga ako sa pag-iisip nun eh, but things were really okay, they didn't put me out of place nga eh, and considering that they were mahiyain like Mac, they talk to me a lot.
It was a long roadtrip the next morning, imagine, 3 1/2 hours kaming nakaupo sa car waiting to get to Atimonan, tapos I had to keep awake kasi his parents aren't familiar with the daan, so yun, I got to nap a bit, pero I silently volunteered myself to be awake and available for inquiry.
When we were laready at the zigzag, I felt talaga that we missed a turn and we went through the diversion road, not that it's a big deal, it's just a longer trip when you take that path. But we got to where we're going naman at around 8am (we left Cavite at 4am).
Nothing really amazing happened in Atimonan, we had no idea who the people there were so we kept to ourselves, then we heaved a sigh of relief (mac, misha and I) when it was finally time to leave. We thought it'd be easy to find lodging, nut it wasn't! The place wasn't developed,only a few resorts have airconditioning, the huts and cottages and comfort rooms weren't to our taste. So, his parents decided to head to another town.
A few hours later, we found ourselves in Paraiso Resort in Sariaya, Quezon. Well, we thought that would be our final stop for the day, the beach was pretty, and the breeze and th eplace looked better than those in Atimonan, but, it was too costly and it wasn't sulit. the room costs Php 3,500.00 with no TV and not so malinis CR. Mac, on behalf of us all, decided to drive back to Cavite and continue the fun at Island Cove.
But his parents won't give up. When we got stuck in traffic in Sto. Tomas, Batangas, they called his dad's brother, and asked if we could spend the night. The new plan was, we'll also leave in the morning to go swimming at Los Banos.
Laguna was our final stop for the day, we had dinner at Via Mare, and the food wasn't good din. I thought tuloy malas talaga ko... But we all had a good night sleep when we got to our lodging.
We went to Bato-Bato, a resort in Los Banos, and we took a dip there until around noon. Then we had Chowking for lunch, and played cards afterwards, we ditched the idea of swimming kasi ang dumi na ng water! hehe...
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I know this is getting long so I didn't bother with the details anymore, but, Mac and I got to talk while we were in the pool. He shared his past--Carlene for the most part--and it was nice that that was finally over. I knew then that I didn't have to worry about him leaving me for Carlene or Tin. I was the one with him there, he's sure that I'm the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. They may want him back and love him still, but he doesn't, he only has eyes for me and his heart only beats for me! hahaha! I felt kinda stupid for thinking he'll leave me for someone else, when all he's ever done was try to make me happy and love me the best way he knows how. I'm the lucky one, not only because other girls love him and yet he loves me, but because whoever and whatever comes between us, I'm going to be the only girl he'll love this much.
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We got home around 3pm. He went straight to bed, and I had a little time with his mom and sisters, and even a bit with his dad. I had merienda with all his family, while he was asleep and we joked around a bit. Then, when his dad found out I wasn't going home that day but the next day pa, he said we could go to Island Cove in the evening. I was touched by the warmth of everyone, kasi they treat me like family talaga. His mom would prepare honey and milk for me din, and his dad who wasn't really ma-PR was nice to me and he even joked a few times! hehe... That was really what amazed me.
Frankly, I thought wala kaming masyadong mapapag-usapan, but Tita Espie (his mom) shared stories about her and tito when they were still starting out. Ate Honey, shared her high school stories and her and Zander's lovestory. I felt closer to them and it was really the first time I was that close to the family of my boyfriend. They don't feel like other people anymore na talaga.
In the evening, we didn't go to Island Cove na, kasi I already went there with my dad once. So we had dinner out, at Kenny, then we watched the LFS of Xmen The Last Stand. Sobrang spoiled ako kasi, I said earlier that my whole family watched it that day without me, and then I got to watch it na that evening. Grabe! We went home late na, around 11pm...
That was the last night of my stay at their house, so Mac slept in his room with all three of us girls. I didn't want to go home, and I dreaded the morning, pero I also had to go home naman, diba?
Only the three of us left the house: tita, mac, and I. We dropped tita off at PAL and we went to UP to pass our letters for shifting. We had a few more hours together and we got to talk more. I've never been so happy with someone, and I guess it shows, kasi I feel naman na alam niya yun.
I went up north with one of my exes and his family, and I spent countless days at their house but I've never felt like family with them. I was always the girlfriend of their first born, but with tita, I'm her 4th baby. hehe... Kahit na halos nasa car lang kami nung weekend, I don't care talaga, kasi I had fun with them, and that was more than enough.
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Pics from Weekend with Mac click this<=====
