Karma

Everything has taken a dip in this relationship. I just realized how selfish you are, you know that? I mean, you go out and talk to other women, flirt until they go crazy and then maybe--I'm not entirely sure--sometimes, you bring them home hoping I wouldn't find out. So why in f*cking hell are you upset that I was talking to Sean and dating other men on the side?

I stopped you know? I cooled down, because it seemed like we got serious. The heck, I was totally wrong. You only call me when you want me and need me. Lucky me, this was almost everyday since the New Year started until Sean came up. You gave me the keys, we fought, got upset at each other, didn't talk but you never asked for them back. I can't understand you.

Now, you came walking back in my life. Going to my work place and waiting until I'm done working and bringing me home again. The thing is, I'm stupid enough to still feel at home with you. In your bed, in your arms, lying beside you and making love to you. Until today. When I came home and kind of figured some other girl must have been there before me since you know my schedule well. I don't know, not quite sure. But, how do I explain to myself why you'd hide my stuff in your bag and be naked in bed while I was out? With your towel next to your bed?

Something always brings me back to you. I have an opportunity to be with a guy who actually seems to be quite into me a lot, and yet, I still choose you.

All this coming from the girl who played the game so well. Is this karma??? I'm stuck with someone who makes me feel like I'm not enough for him to cool down. So what do I do now? Ask you again, because I can tell when you lie to me. I'm just dumb enough to ignore it and stay with you.

I'm messed up. I'm confused. I should be moving on. I don't even know if I'm staying just to get back at you. I mean, really. How could I get back at you when I can't even stay angry at you? How can I play with you if I'm way too nice to you? Why only you? F*cking hell. Why did I fall in love with you?

Every single person in this world who knows about us, thinks I deserve more. I think I do, but I deserve more from you and not from anyone else. You think you're outsmarting me by lying, not knowing I just don't care because I want you in my life. I friggin' buy all the crap you say even if I know they're crap. LOL. Who does that? It's pathetic. It's ridiculous and inconvenient anfd it's driving me insane.

Bottom line is, somehow, it may be because I'm spoiled and I get everything I want in the end that's why I'm not giving up on you. Plus the fact that I am so totally, madly, in love with you my biker boy.