Disappointed Heart

Everyone makes a big deal of Valentine's Day except you. So where does this put me again? You said Valentine's Day is only for couples and we're good friends, and I said my dad gives us gifts and he's my dad so it's not a couple's thing. I shouldn't have said that, I should have said we're not friends, we're lovers. I make love to you and you do the same and neither of us are doing it with other people. Technically, we're a couple and you're in denial.

I'm getting sick of it. I'm working night shift on Valentine's Day, having only one and a half hours to grab food with you and yet, I didn't even end up doing that. I ended up spending it with Sean in the break room. You called me to say you wanted me to go with you to Blue Frog though, but I was already ready and suited up for work. I felt bad... At least you tried. No flowers though.

This morning after work, I met up and had breakfast with Sean and he ended up staying. I swear nothing happened. He was beyond drunk and tired at that point and I have no clue how he managed to stay up until after my shift. I didn't hear from you though, and I didn't want to go home because you might have someone else there. I saw Bernard in the COD casino and he said you weren't picking up and I just assumed you were busy or asleep. It was 7am when I saw him and he was locked out of his apartment, so I told him to call you. I didn't want to thinking you didn't want to see me. As it turns out, it's one of those days when something really bad happens and the universe just won't let us connect.

Yes, you were in jail for stealing the guitar in a club because you were drunk and being silly. You needed me but I was out of reach as you said, and by the time I finish work the next day, you were already bailed out by your ex. Ouch! That hurt my ego... Wasn't that my job? And I felt bad that I was hating on you and spending time with another guy when all those hours you were in jail. I felt like a shitty girlfriend, but to my defense, I didn't even have a clue about what was happening to you that day.

We're going down the drain. Everything I worked for the past 6 months... It's all for nothing now. I thought we were doing better, but it's still a rollercoaster ride, and it has become crazier than the last one because the climbs are higher making the drops steeper.

I just want to be with you. Why can't you get that in your head and figure out what you want and save both of us the time and the pain.