At that moment, the world literally stopped for me. I could hear every beat of my heart because I was so nervous he would say we're really just friends. What came out of those beautiful lips were the words that would melt every woman's heart. "Honey, I'm going to tell you this but I don't want to scare you away, ok? I honestly think I can spend the rest of my life with you. Without doubt, I know that I never want to lose you. I know you're still young and I want you to enjoy life as much as you need to before jumping into a life with me." Those words right there with his eyes boring into mine and the lights of Macau giving enough light for us to see each other's face, that was the best moment of my whole life in Macau.Last night before bed, Godiva* spoke like I never heard him before. He made me rest assured that I am not imagining what we have. I voiced my concerns and he answered me, not upset or angry, but very gently.
As startled and amazed and touched as I was, I had to ask him my primary question: "If this is how you feel, then why am I not your girlfriend?" He just answered, "Because I'm afraid of the word girlfriend." And my head went, "BINGO! I told you so!"
Yesterday was full of doubt for both of us, and much as I want to believe we've known each other for almost half a year already, I can't lie to myself. We're discovering each other everyday, and it's good that we're taking things slowly. I love him, that I don't want this to end up as a mistake. I have more questions, but he proved that I shouldn't rush because I will always get the honest answer anyway.
I'm starting to see him as how everyone sees him. He can do so much and think about so many things, handle so much responsibilities but still see the world in a little boy's eyes, where only the good matters. He can be firm and gentle depends on what the situation calls for him to be. And that makes me love him so much more.
He needs to cool down and deal with his women, though, and I'm sure, if he's really serious, he will do that sooner rather than later.
The need to be close to him and see him every time I wake up is getting stronger. It's distracting me from everything else, and I have a goal to reach that I can't get sidetracked because I have limited time. I want to stay with him, in his place, sleep beside him, cook dinner, prepare breakfast and just be lazy on our day-offs. I want to live with him so I can go to work knowing I'll see him right after, asleep or emailing or Skyping in his laptop. My feelings are so intense, it's ridiculous. The love is so time-consuming, it's inconvenient. I knew it could be this way months before today, but I pushed through with it, and I feel the need for it. For him. This is the love I'm looking for, relax and intense all at the same time, that it's so perfect.
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*Godiva isn't his real name, I used it because I think Godiva makes the best Belgian Chocolates in the world. And he's Belgian and he loves chocolates. ;)
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